A Regret Since Long Ago
by lilAzIaNpride24
Summary: A change in Deeks' romantic life causes his and Kensi's partnership to fall apart. She's done trying and she doesn't think she can handle this heartbreak anymore. She looks back at the one moment that changes her life and wonders if she should've done something different. "She turned around and left, leaving a heartbroken Deeks in her wake."


**Hey, guys! This is my first NCIS:LA fic, so I haven't completely gotten used to writing the characters. I normally don't write angst, but I decided to give it a shot. This fic was supposed to turn out a whole different way, anyways.**

**Enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or NCIS:LA, although if I did, Kensi and Deeks would've gotten together A LONG TIME AGO.**

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NCIS Special Agent Kensi Marie Blye knew she should've acted on her feelings faster. It was too late, she couldn't do anything now. He was taken and it was serious; text giggling and phasing out all the time serious. Whenever he came in smiling or on the phone, she knew he was head-over-heels in love with her and that broke her heart every time. Every day she knew that this would be what inevitably led to the breakup of their partnership.

The day the quirky and witty LAPD detective came into her life, she knew he would either make her or break her. Since her ex-fiancé, Jack, her wall was built up two times over. Since his disappearing act and her father's murder, she began developing major commitment issues. So much so that she _never_ went on a second date with a guy. But Deeks was different. He grew on her, crawled his way into her heart, set up a permanent base there, slowly took her wall down, and she didn't seem to mind.

They started a kind of tug-a-war game with their feelings. Both of them had rocky pasts and had major commitment issues, but fell into a groove. Their flirty banter and witty back and forth conversations were fun, but they couldn't do that forever. Sometimes it took a serious turn, but every time it did, they quickly changed the subject. 'Their thing' became much more than just a plain colloquialism; it became the thing that defined their partnership.

As soon as they met, they clicked. Even when they were undercover and they met for the first time, they hit it off. Something sparked between them and that little spark ignited this whole fiasco.

He'd just walked into the bullpen as she laid her head on her desk when she was about to leave. He became oblivious to his partner's tendencies and obvious tension. He was too caught up in his relationship with his new girlfriend that they weren't them anymore. She knew they were drifting apart and the only way to bring them back together was for them to talk about her feelings towards him, but she knew that was impossible. It would ruin him, his relationship with his new girlfriend, their partnership, and not to mention ruin her. She had always been careful with whom she associated with, especially those who she trusted with the personal aspects of her life. There were only seven people in this world who knew her personally and only one who she trusted her life with; Deeks.

But she was ready to leave. She would ask Team Operations Manager Henrietta Lange for a transfer to NCIS Red Team. They never stayed in one place, they always moved around. The only connections they made were between them; no time for other relationships. That's what she wanted. She would make due with Skype, phone calls, and once in a while visits with her mother and Nell and Eric, maybe even Sam and Callen, but Deeks was off the table. She'd made up her mind. No matter how hard anyone tried to convince her otherwise, she made up her mind.

When the team asked why, she replied that she needed a change of scenery as well as the fact that Assistant Director Granger was offering her a job anyways. When Deeks asked why, all she said was that she needed something new,; that she was getting bored.

"What about your mother?" He asked her.

"I've already made a deal with her. She's accepted it." She replied coldly as she was packing up her things.

"What about _us_?" She heard a smidge of emotion in his voice as he put his phone into his back pocket and dropped his head.

A breathy chuckle had escaped from her lips as she packed another trinket into her box. "There is _no_ us, Deeks. There never was and there's never going to be."

"You never know until you try."

She had packed up her last item into her box, hefted it into her arms, and replied, "I don't have to try, Deeks. I know. All I've ever done is try. I know you've tried too, but I've been patient. I'm done trying Deeks. Goodbye."

She turned around and left, leaving a heartbroken Deeks in her wake.

She looks back at that moment every single day and wonders what would've happened if she stayed and said something different. If only she stayed…

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**A/N: Reviews are much appreciated.**


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